Unwanted and alone
Undesirable I get stoned
To ease the pain that I’ve known
All my life
Unlovable and alone
The hurt cuts to the bone
I reap the sadness I’ve sown
All my life
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The Veil
The veil is lifting I’m left with sifting Through the ashes of My former life No more drifting Patterns shifting From all the anger Pain and strife An honest look At the toll it took And movi…
Source: The Veil
The Veil
The veil is lifting
I’m left with sifting
Through the ashes of
My former life
No more drifting
Patterns shifting
From all the anger
Pain and strife
An honest look
At the toll it took
And moving towards
A better life
It’s been so long
Since I’ve been me
So long since I’ve
Been influence free
Face to face
With the real me
Standing tall
Resisting urge to flee
Dealing with my choices and
I give myself a helping hand
Be the friend
You always dreamed
It’s not as bad
As it once seemed
To Love myself
Is my new quest
And worry not
About the rest
Rested body heart and mind
Wrested thoughts from dark decline
Dawn is breaking
I must say
It’s going to be
A lovely day
Do What It Takes
I don’t hear compliments
Though they may be well spoken
I always hear criticism
Said or not
I’m broken
I hear what you say
I read what you write
Should I keep trying?
Or get out of your sight?
Intentioned or not
I keep causing you pain
Can’t seem to fix it
Though I do try
In vain
I struggle to find something
Some positive trait
Some part of me that you value
Some part you don’t hate
I want you to be happy
Been my goal from the start
But it feels like to often
I just tear you apart
Should I stay?
Should I go?
Am I a yes?
Or a HELL NO!
With these questions I wrestle
I ponder alone
Hoping someday you’ll speak
And make your mind known
I love you!
I miss you!
I want you
For Christ’s sake!
But I put your needs first
There is so much at stake
If I must leave for your happiness
I will do what it takes
Wafer Thin
Don’t want to harden my heart
Don’t want to swallow my feelings
I’ve had my fill
Of rejection
I can’t eat another bite
Of hope
Even though it’s wafer thin
I’m going to be sick
Garçon, get Monsieur a bucket!
Again?
I’m head over heels again
How the hell did this happen?
Feels good to be head over heels
Again… Yet not so
Much seems right
But I have the fight or flight
Response
Coursing through my body
Desperate for your body
Bare chested
Heart bare
Scared to death
Not weak
Nay but strong
With the courage to press on
At risk all along
Knowing it could be gone
In an instant
it happened
Now forever I hope
I’m trusting my hopes
Won’t be hung by Love’s rope
Love Snack at 3 am
I want to consume your flesh
And become one
Like a serial killer
Not a cereal lover
But a lover in series
Never parallel
One path is enough for me
Straddling the fence
One eventually racks his balls
On the Billiard table of love
Scratch on the 8 ball
You lose
Scratch my back
And I’ll scratch yours
until it bleeds
And I’ll consume your flesh
From beneath my nails
/ Except maybe you /
Nobody has ever known me completely
I could never expose
The few who got close
To the chaos that lay just beneath me
Out of fear
Fear of judgement
Of being called crazy
Degenerate!
Addict!
Stupid!
Worthless!
Lazy!
The root of all evil
Is not money
But me
I have always hidden
The whole and full truth
Wearing the mask
Mirroring the ideal
To the beholder’s eye
Smiling to their face
Muttering resentment
Under shallow breath
Star athlete
Advanced placement student
Perfect attendance awards
Mama’s right hand man
I was never connected to that persona
It was never me
Always me
But never me
The illusion of
Perfection is difficult to maintain
Fatigue sets in
Plates wobble as momentum slows
And gravity
Pulls them down to
Shatter on the cold marble floor
But now I am me
Emergent and free
I too, like T.O.
Love me some me!
And I love me some You!
For you are my Muse
I’ll do it all for you
And for me
And for us
If only you’ll sit next to me on life’s bus
We’ll ride to the beach
And then sail away
Into the setting of a glorious day
I never want this feeling to end
Through experience
I know that it just may depend
On how much we try
To stay our best friends
