The Veil

The veil is lifting
I’m left with sifting
Through the ashes of
My former life

No more drifting
Patterns shifting
From all the anger
Pain and strife

An honest look
At the toll it took
And moving towards
A better life

It’s been so long
Since I’ve been me
So long since I’ve
Been influence free

Face to face
With the real me
Standing tall
Resisting urge to flee

Dealing with my choices and
I give myself a helping hand


Be the friend
You always dreamed
It’s not as bad
As it once seemed

To Love myself
Is my new quest
And worry not
About the rest

Rested body heart and mind
Wrested thoughts from dark decline

Dawn is breaking
I must say
It’s going to be
A lovely day

Do What It Takes

I don’t hear compliments
Though they may be well spoken
I always hear criticism
Said or not
I’m broken

I hear what you say
I read what you write
Should I keep trying?
Or get out of your sight?

Intentioned or not
I keep causing you pain
Can’t seem to fix it
Though I do try
In vain

I struggle to find something
Some positive trait
Some part of me that you value
Some part you don’t hate


I want you to be happy
Been my goal from the start
But it feels like to often
I just tear you apart

Should I stay?
Should I go?
Am I a yes?
Or a HELL NO!

With these questions I wrestle
I ponder alone
Hoping someday you’ll speak
And make your mind known


I love you!
I miss you!
I want you
For Christ’s sake!

But I put your needs first
There is so much at stake
If I must leave for your happiness
I will do what it takes


Again?

   


 I’m head over heels again
How the hell did this happen?
Feels good to be head over heels
Again… Yet not so

Much seems right
But I have the fight or flight
Response

Coursing through my body
Desperate for your body
Bare chested
Heart bare
Scared to death

Not weak
Nay but strong
With the courage to press on
At risk all along
Knowing it could be gone

In an instant
it happened
Now forever I hope
I’m trusting my hopes
Won’t be hung by Love’s rope

   
 

 
  

Love Snack at 3 am

 

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I want to consume your flesh
And become one
Like a serial killer
Not a cereal lover
But a lover in series
Never parallel
One path is enough for me

Straddling the fence
One eventually racks his balls
On the Billiard table of love
Scratch on the 8 ball
You lose

Scratch my back
And I’ll scratch yours
until it bleeds
And I’ll consume your flesh
From beneath my nails

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/ Except maybe you /

Nobody has ever known me completely
I could never expose
The few who got close
To the chaos that lay just beneath me

Out of fear
Fear of judgement
Of being called crazy

Degenerate!
Addict!
Stupid!
Worthless!
Lazy!

The root of all evil
Is not money
But me

I have always hidden
The whole and full truth
Wearing the mask
Mirroring the ideal
To the  beholder’s eye
Smiling to their face
Muttering resentment
Under shallow breath

Star athlete
Advanced placement student
Perfect attendance awards
Mama’s right hand man
I was never connected to that persona
It was never me
Always me
But never me

The illusion of
Perfection is difficult to maintain
Fatigue sets in
Plates wobble as momentum slows
And gravity
Pulls them down to
Shatter on the cold marble floor

But now I am me
Emergent and free
I too, like T.O.
Love me some me!
And I love me some You!
For you are my Muse

I’ll do it all for you
And for me
And for us
If only you’ll sit next to me on life’s bus

We’ll ride to the beach
And then sail away
Into the setting of a glorious day
I never want this feeling to end

Through experience
I know that it just may depend
On how much we try
To stay our best friends